Juice Box
by idiealotdontworry
Summary: Summary: Panic attacks are the worst and nobody likes them. Some deal with them better than others, and sometimes odd things help them feel less intense. MiSaru comfort because I needed something to calm my nerves. Based on personal experience as well as headcannons. Enjoy!
A sick, hot burning sensation overwhelmed Saruhiko's throat, and he tried his best to stumble his way through the dark and out of his bedroom.

He couldn't help the coughing that filled the otherwise silent air of his apartment, breath shortening as he leaned over the newly found toilet. Nothing came up, but the sick feeling didn't stop, even as he willed himself to stop hacking up his lungs, and the painful ache in his head and throat persisted. He quieted himself the best he could, though, fearful of waking his boyfriend.

Fear was something he seemed unable to stop feeling, suddenly, and he huddled himself into a tight ball that shivered on the cold bathroom floor. The darkness surrounding him didn't help anything, either, and his mind grew fuzzy and hot and panicked.

Misaki stumbled into the bathroom hazily, switching the light on and voicing his concern.

"Saruhiko? What happened? Are you okay?" The shorter of the two crouched down, resting on the balls of his feet and holding a tentative hand outward.

He stopped himself, fingers curling into his palm as he hesitated. Trying to remember what he'd heard, he willed his voice to take a slower, calmer tone, tiredness retreating to the backburner of his mind.

"Saruhiko? Is it okay if I touch you?"

Said mess of limbs shook his head quickly, muttering how he really would not like that. Misaki sat cross-legged and nodded, wondering how he could help if he couldn't even rub his back.

"Okay, okay, that's fine. Uhm..how- what do you need? How can I help?"

Saruhiko didn't answer, simply making a sound somewhere between a whimper and the universal 'I don't know' noise. Misaki wracked his brain for ideas, unsure what to do with his hands, digits fidgeting in his lap.

This wasn't a situation Misaki wanted to be powerless in. He wanted to help Saruhiko from shaking like that, from being curled inwards like he was hiding, and moreso he found himself wanting to hold the other. It was all he could think to do, but that wasn't an option right now.

"It-it's gonna be okay, okay?" Misaki tried to reassure him. "Just, breathe and stuff. Out through your nose? Or was it in through your nose, fuck. Uhm.." He sighed in frustration, but that seemed to startle Saruhiko, and he flinched without meaning to.

"Shit, no, I'm- I'm not mad okay? I'm sorry."

Saruhiko simply shook his head, an apology escaping his lips. "It's m-my fault, anyways, 'm, uhm. Sorry."

Guilt made a pit in Misaki's stomach, only enunciated by the small sniffle he heard coming from Saruhiko's ducked away and hidden face. All he seemed to be doing was making it worse. "You don't have anything to be sorry about, okay? This isn't- it's not your fault."

His words didn't seem to help Saruhiko, unfortunately, as he was still in a tightly-wound ball, his arms shivering as they hugged his legs. He could barely make out what Sauhiko was saying, something about how it isn't usually like this.

'It isn't usually like this'? What did that even mean? Misaki wasn't sure, but he hoped he meant the intensity and not that he wasn't used to having anybody help him. Or, try to at least. Knowing him, though, that was probably the case, and Misaki couldn't help but feel like it was his fault somehow.

Knowing Misaki was trying to help him and failing honestly just made Saruhiko feel worse. He didn't want to bother him, he didn't want Misaki to see him like this. He fucking hated being vulnerable, even-if not especially- around people he was meant to trust.

He hoped Misaki wouldn't just walk away and leave him. Even though he felt it was selfish of him, he just wanted Misaki to be there. That was enough, or he hoped it would be.

Normally, he'd just wait it out, but that didn't seem to work right now and he was at a loss for what to do. He tried to steady his breathing, but he felt so pent up and away from it all, he wasn't sure he could. He'd barely caught the end of Misaki's sentence, before looking up to see him leaving.

His body tensed, but he couldn't bring himself to ask Misaki to come back. He didn't deserve do deal with him, after all.

As suddenly as he'd left, or at least, it felt sudden to Saruhiko, Misaki returned with a blanket in his arms. He moved closer, slowly, before draping the blanket around Saruhiko's shoulders. He backed off quickly though, sitting a distance away and attempting a smile in Saruhiko's direction.

Without thinking, he tightened the blanket around himself, noticing it was the same comforter from the bed. It smelled like the both of them, though more so Misaki, and Saruhiko found himself resting his dampened face against the fabric.

Misaki watched as Saruhiko fastened the blanket around himself, it seeming to almost swallow him whole with how scared and small he looked.

Slowly, though, as the minutes rolled by, his shoulders dropped, and the intense shaking that wracked his entire body dissipated into shivers less painful.

"Saruhiko?" Misaki asked, inching closer. "Are you, er- How do you feel?"

Saruhiko found himself unable to answer, as he wasn't quite sure himself. He knew he didn't feel necessarily alright, but he'd recovered somewhat, even if he still couldn't keep himself from trembling.

Instead, Saruhiko shifted, moving to rest his body against Misaki's somewhat haphazardly. Misaki tensed, and his arms hovered around him.

"Oh. Uhm, is this okay?" Misaki whispered to him, not wanting to make any wrong moves.

Saruhiko shifted again, pressing his face into Misaki's shoulder. "If it wasn't, I wouldn't have gotten this close, would I?"

Misaki laughed a bit, huffy and light, before settling his arms around Saruhiko securely and rubbing gentle circles into his back. He felt Saruhiko's spine as he leaned forward onto him, his bones poking out in familiar but nonetheless concerning ways.

Minutes droned by, and the silence stretched on, accompanied only by Saruhiko's mostly even breathing and the sound of fabric shifting as Misaki gently rubbed his back, soft and soothing to the touch.

Even with everything, though, Saruhiko couldn't seem to get rid of the last of his shivers, and trying to will them away only seemed to worsen them. He'd jump occasionally, everything feeling intense for only a moment before settling back down. It was hard for Misaki to refrain from voicing his concern.

"Is there anything you need?" He asked quietly, face brushing against soft black hair.

Saruhiko didn't feel like it was his place to make requests, not right now anyways, so he shrugged lightly, holding his breath for a moment before letting it seep back through his lips.

His throat felt awfully dry from heaving, though, and Misaki noticed the way he tried to stifle another cough.

"Do you need something to drink?" He moved a hand upwards, brushing his fingers between Saruhiko's hair, as if to coax him into speaking.

Saruhiko swallowed, throat feeling like sand, and nodded a little bit. Misaki kissed the side of his head, shifting back a bit before attempting to give Saruhiko a reassuring smile.

"I'll get you something. You gonna be okay in here?" Saruhiko looked at him and nodded, eyes droopy and exhausted. Misaki pet his hair again and stood. "Be right back."

Saruhiko nodded, and Misaki made his way out of the bathroom and into the darkness. He could see through their bedroom window that light was beginning to flood in, illuminating the room with a subtle, faint blueish white.

He moved towards the kitchen, flipping on the lightswitch and eyeing his surroundings, letting his eyes adjust again.

As he did so, a small, unopened juice box came into view. Minoru and Megumi must have left it from their last visit. Before he could really stop himself, he picked it up and put the now unwrapped straw inside, walking in long strides back to the bathroom.

He leaned down in front of Saruhiko again, holding the juice box in front of him. "Uhm..it's apple. I can get you something else if you want, but uh- yeah."

Saruhiko eyed it, then slowly took it into his hands. "Thank you," he muttered, and Misaki realized just how much his throat must hurt.

He sat down again, putting a gentle hand on Saruhiko's back as he sipped at the box's contents. "It's probably pretty warm, sorry."

"It's okay," he muttered. "Um..this helps, so..thanks." He seemed sheepish still, cheeks pink with embarrassment. Misaki didn't know why Saruhiko was embarrassed, there wasn't a reason to be, but he didn't question it, simply rubbing his back and telling him it wasn't a problem.

They went back to bed soon after that, and Misaki held Saruhiko until he fell back asleep. Work soon crept up on him, though, and he decided that he'd better go, even if he wasn't feeling quite up to it.

When he got back that night and went to get a can of soda, he noticed a package of about 10 juice boxes in the back of the fridge. He blinked at it, but he didn't comment on it, and ignored the warm feeling that rose in his chest.


End file.
